a self solstice

revealing, witnessing, expanding, and allat

it is a consistent thing, a brave thing, an honest thing to witness yourself be who you desire.

as the sun has shared with us more and more of her presence, I’ve been allowing myself the space to consider how I am witnessed and witnessing this thing called life.

it has been about 6 months since I last shared writing here. life moves so quickly i barely get to hear the new month’s hello before its goodbye.

let’s catch up.

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i.

may gifted me the courage to do something I’ve wanted to do since I was a girl — color my hair red!

its summer, and after almost 3 years of love with my locs, I was ready for my love affair with color. the coilier your hair texture, the more expectation there is to keep your hair as “pure” and long as possible, and even more so when its loc’d.

the joy of this self-actualization was almost cut short by fear of making the wrong decision. but i’ve only been affirmed time and time again, between loved ones encouragement and surprise, strangers’ warmth, and mirror’s reflection.

lav, in red | may 2024

I remember looking at the hair magazines from the beauty shop with all the hairstyles and always being drawn to the red hairstyles. or choosing the cool red hair characters in video games.

making the l e a p to color my locs has been the sweetest affirmation to myself.

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ii.

in writing news, Philadelphia Stories honored me with their national prize in poetry for my poem, “A Song for Anna Mae.”

the poem honors sagittarian legend and queen of rock and roll, Anna Mae, more commonly known as Tina Turner.

winter-spring issue 2024

I had been submitting poems for publication since I defended my MA thesis in late 2022, a resolve partly formed by frustration, partly by desire for self-cultivation. I’m a forever student of life, so in the cracks of time I do have, I try to make time to learn something new. poetry forms are one of the many things I am a nerd for.

“the poem takes shape as an erasure, a form defined as an intentional excavation of words from any written text that speaks to or for a voice unheard. I chose an interview between Tina and Oprah, from the May 2005 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine. in this poem, I wanted to give voice to Tina’s narrative of her life, one that isn’t defined by the crude jokes of abuse or her decision to choose herself in spite of her contributions to the culture.”

the award landed somewhere between joy and relief.

my words being held in this way was less about the validation and more about the idea the actualization of myself as the poet-writer I can be and am.

(wordweaver, worldmaker, storyteller, yes!) — audre lorde

i’ve since myself fall into my other passions, curating a personal practice of my art forms and defining what they are for and to me. only sometimes is it a wildfire of creative passion. alchemizing discipline into devotion is the key to witnessing the fullest extent of my soul-self.

as an artist, i feel myself rising into a solstice of acceptance and witness.

i am a slow moving artist.

i do not rush or run to validate what I already know to be true, what has always called me by name.

my creative discipline comes with enough grace to witness my other realities.

i will not apologize for life lived.

life lived influences art more than anything, right?
i like to think Tina would agree.

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iii.

i am in a self solstice —

warming up to the idea of me. 
letting my (soul) self be seen,
and known,
and loved.

a self solstice feels like a new season — i am in a new home, literally and metaphorically. spring and summer’s love affair has surrounded me with enough softness to share — family visits, late night concerts, community, sun, and laughter.

summer solstice 
will be significant
im going to release something
soft and radiant
and true
into the world
— jenny zhang

and so it is.

it is summer, and I am writing again.

it is a new thing to feel as secure as I do in the vessel I call home.
new forms of work are making themselves known to me and it is fulfilling.
I am falling in love with the rise and fall of my process.

it is summer, and I am writing again.

and so it shall be.

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iv.

as I witness who i am becoming, and allow myself to move as slowly and soulfully as I need, I am able to more clearly see myself, and what it is that resonates with me.

I began this newsletter as poetryandagapé, a space to share poetry, primarily, drafts, and sketches. but in a way, I confined myself to poems that “meant something” or writing that fit the name.

so,

my hiatus from my newsletter was really me reflecting on what I really wanted it to be, what I wanted to share, and also, living enough life to be inspired.

I’m an eternal autumn baby, following the rhythm of morning’s breeze, forever in love with golden hour, a soft flame, a gentle fire on a southern evening.

this is the song I am and want to sing in the spaces I let my art call home.

poetryandagapé is now —

november's interlude, a newsletter & blog

so, though I will continue to write and sketch and speak and share according to soul, expect a little more on this space.

I’ve missed you.

let me know what a self solstice might mean to or look like for you in the comments. <3

in gratitude,
LaVonna